Mahathir's Journey To Be A Better Man

L ittle hands that changed our world, one gentle touch at a time.. I n your smile, we found new purpose, new strength, and softer hearts.. L essons of love, patience, and joy, taught by a soul so small, yet so mighty.. Y our first year is almost here, and we still can’t believe we get to call you ours..      In just one year, Lily has taught us more about love, patience, and purpose than we ever imagined. She made us parents, but more than that, she made us better people.       Through her, we’ve learned to be more selfless, more present, and more united. Her presence didn’t just grow our family, it deepened myself and Aina's love for each other, and reminded us that the most meaningful growth often starts with the smallest hands.     Daddy and Ibu will always be here for you Lily sayang. Daddy & Ibu will try our best to give you the best and most wholesome upbringing we can give you that is full of love and rich in culture from both of o...

      Never would I ever imagined that I would marry a Malay woman in my life. So much difference and yet feels so familiar. I remeber having a conversation with a friend of mine who coin that Pakistani are based on patriarchy and Malay on the other hand are based on matriarchy. Polar opposite in nature and doesn't sound like something that will work without a lot of adapting from both party if the culture collides.      When I first fell in love with Aina, I didn’t realize I wasn’t just entering a relationship, I was entering a new world. A world shaped by her Malay roots, her values, her upbringing, and her own quiet strength. She herself was stepping into mine, full of Pakistani & Indian influences, unspoken expectations, and inherited ways of thinking I had never fully questioned.      At first, I thought love would be enough. But the truth is, love alone doesn’t bridge cultural differences. Self-awareness does. Humility does. Conver...

    I read this some where online and I can confirm you that this is true. Have a read, and I will continue after you read the portion.        Why is it the person who love you the most, is also the person who triggers you the deepest?. Because love isn't just about happiness, it's about awakening.     Your partner isn't here to complete you, they're here to reveal you. Every fight, every frustration, every wound they touched is not random. It's showing you the parts of yourself that you've ignored for too long,     They aren't breaking you, they're exposing the cracks that were already there. Love isn't suppose to be easy. It's supposed to be real.     And real love, it forces you to face yourself.      I've read this before but I don't really understand it and now I finally understand it. With Aina, I have grown in many area especially the deeper level mess. Most of the things I come into realization is things ...

      The title is the whole story. The end. Okay okay, my bad. Here's the short back story, this happens many many years ago, during my teenage hood. Me and my friend is at a restaurant having our dinner and a blind man walk towards us, asking for donation. Holding strong to my dad's teaching, I share some spare change. My dad reminded me many times that it becomes a mantra, "Today is their day, you don't know when it will be your day where you will appreciate a helping hand". Once the blind man said his thanks, he left and my friend immediately stare at me and said : Him : You do realized that he wore a wrist watch right? Me : (puzzled) whats the issue with that?.  Him : No blind man can "see" the watch. Me : Ahhh.. now I understand, but even if he's not blind, I have decided to donate therefore I don't mind even if he scammed me. It's between him and Allah. Him : You're just encouraging more beggar and more scammer to run the street. I...

      My late dad is an ex-army with a stoic old school mindset who believes in gender role.He believes that man should always strive to provide. My observation from his action is that he will never settle on not earning and in fact worked till the last stage of his life. He also have a heart of gold that love to provide for the family, hence the reason I picked up his trait on kindness. I also have told myself that I will always provide as long as I can so I can be beneficial to the family and to my loved ones.     Now here comes the problem with this mindset, don't get me wrong, it is still good but I have unknowingly linked my ability to provide as the benchmark of my Rizqi. The more I can earn, the more Rizqi I'm bringing back home. This past few month, as I self reflect on whether I'm a good provider. I realized that Rizqi is not just monetary wealth and abundance of it but rather there are many aspect of Rizqi.     A quick read up and we can see ...

A ll that we know is that.. L ove is in the air, and after this wholesome, I ncredible journey of pregnancy,  A precious little sunshine is about to arrive.. M y reason to be better, A nother good reason to be alive for longest, D ays are counting down and I bu and Daddy are eager to welcome you. N ew journey ahead for all of us.. A nd you will be the reason for all of us..     Wrote a haiku before the birth of our little princess, leaving it here so I don't lose it. Our little precious is one of the main reason I wanted to be a better man, a better father for her. So this post is dedicated to her. If you have loved ones as well, do it for them, be better.

       In Islam, a “broken person” is not necessarily someone looked down upon, in fact, brokenness, when connected to humility before Allah , can be spiritually powerful. However, if you're referring to the signs of emotional, spiritual, or moral brokenness that distance someone from inner peace or divine closeness, here are some of the key signs, along with Islamic insight on each one.  Loss of hope in Allah’s mercy - They may feel like their sins are too great to be forgiven. Brokenness should not lead to despair, but to sincere repentance (Taubat). "Do not despair of the mercy of Allah. Indeed, Allah forgives all sins..." ( Qur’an 39:53) Abandoning Prayer (Solat) -  A spiritually broken person may stop praying, seeing it as pointless or too heavy. Solat is not a duty for the perfect, but a lifeline for the broken. "Indeed, prayer restrains from immorality and wrongdoing..." ( Qur’an 29:45) Constant Guilt Without Turning to Allah -  Feeling overwhe...

      I should have wrote this post as the first post. The importance in reading / recite in Islam triumph over all the other life lessons I posted earlier.  Islam is rooted in I lmu (knowledge) . "Iqra" established that the very first step toward faith is awareness and learning . The ayat below is one of the few or perhaps my most favourite ayat in the whole Al-Quran just because of it's significant and meaning. “Iqra’ bismi rabbika allathee khalaq…” "Recite in the name of your Lord who created..." ( Surah Al-‘Alaq 96:1)      The command to read or recite came at a time when the Prophet was unlettered, highlighting that knowledge in Islam is not just about literacy but seeking divine understanding .  The Qur’an repeatedly encourages reflection, observation, and the use of reason. "Say, Are those who know equal to those who do not know?" ( Qur’an 39:9)      The Qur’an repeatedly encourages reflection, observation, and the use of ...

      I'll spice up this post a little bit. I'll start with Islamic view on the topic of forgiveness before I share my own personal opinion and experience. Forgiveness is a path to Allah's mercy.  The Prophet ﷺ said: “Be merciful to others and you will be shown mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you.” (Musnad Ahmad)      So if someone holds onto deep grudges, anger, and refuses to forgive,  it may block them from experiencing Allah’s full mercy which will lead to a hardened heart and I will write further on the consequences below.      The Qur’an warns about people whose hearts become hardened. One thing that we tend to overlook   is that if we are blocked from receiving Allah's mercy, we will also stop receiving guidance (Hidayah) and that will ultimately lead to a hardened heart, which is way harder to return back to the right path.  A hard heart resists humility, repentance, and softness toward others, all of...

           As you might already know from past post, I got married extremely early so I'm forced to mature up ahead of people around me with similar age. That combined with all of my siblings that are way older than me with the closest to me being 7 years older than me followed by the elder siblings, have forced me into maturing up beyond my age. At the times where I started paying bills on my own, most of my friends are still staying with their parents, and while most are staying up all night partying, I'm staying up taking care of my son. Not complaining but I'm writing this down so you know that maturity is not an unfamiliar state of mind for me. Responsibility and to be resourceful is something I crave for and enjoy to carry out.     Now I wanted to press that being forced to mature up doesn't mean I didn't have any side that I am immature. I realize pretty soon that while I carry out whats needed in term of responsibility, I still have an inn...

     "One day you'll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember". This lyric from Avicii song strike a chord in me, something inside me understood the lyric very much differently. I know I'm not born to be stuck in a boring life, I yearned for adventure, for a thrilling life and I indeed have a very interesting life. People who are close to me must have heard my amazing and out of this world stories that makes them feels amazed of the life and experience I went through as far. Most of the experience is what I will not recommend anyone who is curious to go through nor I want to repeat ever again.     As I get older and wiser, my view on what a life that is worthy of being remembered changes and shifted to a calmer and much more peaceful one. All those fun and wild night out comes with a price and genuinely I see it now and I understand it better now. Allah allows all of it to happen but that didn't mean He likes it. I personally experience His wrat...

      In previous post I did mentioned by loving Allah and prioritizing Him, your relationship with your partner will become closer. The title above sounds similar but it is completely different at the root level.       To prioritize Allah will strengthen your faith and ultimately make your Redha and Tawakkal process better. This will prepare you mentally and spiritually for anything that might catch you off guard and also to ensure that Allah's protection or blessing is upon you. I personally have seen Allah's wrath on myself where I prioritize Aina over Him, I tried to win her by any means and will go beyond extra mile but I can't even commit to my 5 times obligatory prayers on time. Remember that Allah dislike any of His servant to prioritize other things or person over Him as seen in this verse where it  clearly warns that if you  love others more than Allah , to the point of  neglecting His commands , you’re at risk of divine anger....

      If you grow up in the late 2000, surely I manage to make you started to sing or at least humming to the song by Boys Like Girls, Two Is Better Than One. So why this topic right after the duality you asked?. Because it ties up to the starting of the blog. Myself wanting to save people, and my guilt towards Leen at that time. Forsaken her for Aina when two and two, both have past that they regret. Feeling guilty because if I can forgive 1, why not the other?. A cause of problem to me in the long run and I will explain it in a bit.     I grow up knowing polygamy is allowed but never have it ever crossed my mind that one day I will be in a position that I got myself in, having a lovely wife and on my way of remarrying my ex-wife. Some of my friends is with it and some is against it. It all started from the fact that, Leen is always around me and Aina, helping us around and hanging at our house almost daily. This is due to my son is taking their school van from...

      Most of the topic I wrote is either my experience or my observation on obvious things or common daily things that are not taken seriously enough or digested enough to have its true meaning understood. This past few months I've been observing and noticed that there is a repeating pattern in Islamic teaching and in the universe itself. I think hard and deep about it and realized the pattern is the concept of duality, sort of the concept of Ying Yang.     There are many example to this and I will break it down in a better digestible bits both general pairs and then I will dive deeper to the spiritual or religious side.     Duality hrough general lens Day vs Night Man vs Woman Alive vs Dead Light vs Dark Male vs Female Sea vs Land etc     Duality through religion lens ( I will explain a little more  Nafsu vs. Roh ( Human Nature ) -  Nafsu (ego/self-desire) often pulls toward base desires and worldly temptations. -  Roh (soul...

      Today is the Eid Al-Adha or Hari Raya Korban in Malaysia. Alone in my room, self reflecting about why the celebration is that important that Islam allocate a day for it. Growing up, I have the idea that it's about sharing our fortune with the unfortunate, as simple as that, for the poor to have a taste of eating meat if they can't afford it when in fact now I realized it's more than that.     The title might not seem related at first but actually it does because Eid Al-Adha is to commemorate  the obedience and unquestionable faith of Prophet Ibrahim. Allah commanded Prophet Ibrahim in a dream to sacrifice his son  Ismail , as a test of his faith and Prophet Ibrahim was fully ready to obey the command without any question but just as he was about to carry it out, Allah intervened and sent a ram to be sacrificed instead.  This showed that the real sacrifice was Ibrahim’s willingness to submit completely to Allah’s will rather than sacrificin...

      Among all the things my late dad teaches about life, he always remind me to never ever lie. Because although in the beginning it looks harmless, it will eventually snowballed into a bigger snowball.     I lived by this rule my whole life but being with Aina and going through the turbulence, living a life with blurry line on morality and to add the fact that I love Aina so much and couldn't afford to lose her, I started to..lie. Started with small lie to not hurt her feeling which then I need to lie even more whenever she wants to find comfort or validation on the previous topic.     Time goes by, lies becomes reality. Soon it feels like the truth, it becomes easier especially when she give me benefit of a doubt that I won't lie as I am very honest with majority things. This is not who I am but I'm in the snowball now and I'm rolling and tumbling down the hill now, snowball gets bigger but I have no clue how to stop because bigger lies have to be ...

      You might be surprised to think that getting closer to Allah will make you scared of death, In my case it's not because I want to live a longer life but rather I feel like I don't think I have enough time to recover all the damage and sins I've done. I think I finally understand why living this life is mainly to serve Allah, sound tedious but when you understand what is considered Ibadah, majority of a normal obiding muslim life is already Ibadah, you walk to the mosque, counted, you eat, counted, even most things in marriage is counted. Maybe that why being married is considered half of your Deen.     Having 2 of my closest family member passed away before me is devastating, in fact both have cause a major setback in my career life, not to say I regret anything but rather highlighting the huge impact it have on me. My dad and my sister is 2 different person with similar kind heart that will go beyond their ownself for others and when I lose them, I lose a...

      Remember i mentioned 1 of the life lesson is never stop dating your wife?. Me being a mess in term of what happens to me and my pursuit to find myself didn't stop me from being the cliche on top of the world romantic guy. If there is 1 thing I can proudly say I feel like I did right is I always show appreciation to Aina.      Never stop dating your wife, because you never knew when your gesture will be a savior for you. Those nights where you are a little bit harder to love, your wife might suddenly remember those sweet gesture of yours, those efforts to woo them. So yes, do it and do it frequently, you don't have to wait for special occasion, just find reason to celebrate them. They got a promotion go out on a date, they have a good day in office?, a date. They try out new recipe and it works?, a date. They take care of the baby more?, date. Just find any reason, whenever you can.      Don't be stingy in your love, you don't know when ...

      So far everything that happens, if I take a thousand step back, I will be able to see that it's all a grand scheme for a better life by Allah specifically crafted for me, in fact for Aina too.       I know for a fact there's many more for me to learn but rather than whining and complaining about what happens to me, I learn to take a step back and ask myself, "What is Allah trying to teach me here in this situation?". Many times there will be answer and you don't even have to find it that far. It's right there, you only need to change your perspective.     I'm quite shocked on how a simple a change of perspective from "why me? / why always me? / why now? / what's next? / etc, can make myself to be more grateful. Now I take everything as a life lesson or blessing, tire flat while I park?, rather than OMG money out, its just the middle of the month, I now will say it's ok, better while at park, imagine what will happen if I'm speeding a...

      One of the mistake I made, despite everyone around me is doing and I saw how it impacted my marriage with Aina is the idea of nafkah. The idea is that I will pay off all the bills and commitment, the groceries, entertainment and so on, and the remaining of my salary till it dries up. If insufficient, Aina will help with her salary after she have done all that is needed from her end. I've checked around, my friends are all doing it but I seem to be forgetting what I preached, doesn't mean everyone is doing it we will need to do it as well.     You can do however you wanted when it comes to splitting responsibility, the only problem is the religion demand man to provide a shelter, food, healthcare and safety for their wife. If the wife allow to share their earnings than it becomes sedekah. I've think about this a lot as it becomes 1 of the issue raised. I have a million thing to respond to this, especially when Aina agreed to sharing the income and following...

      I have many life lessons that I learn from January 2025 till date but mainly 2 thing change my perspective on life. 1 is Redha and the other is Tawakkal. Redha have been lingering in my mind since end of 2023 where Aina ask for divorce too but didn't follow through because of our love. After that i rarely speaks or argue about her past but it does still happens, with less intensity and name calling for sure. The thing that I didn't realize is the Redha also have to come with no sense of entitlement, how can I say I Redha but I felt entitled to the fact that she have to live up to certain standard or as if she have to be grateful of me choosing her?. Who am I to even think of that when I am just a servant to Allah.     So Redha that I am doing now. the acceptance that I did now come with no sense of entitlement and it feels really liberating. I feel free of the chain that holds me back. She did this? OK because if that didn't happen, this wouldn't happen. S...

      My whole life I'm surrounded by people. Lonely at times bu I still have people around me. This feeling never left and gets worst after 2018. Even during all the time I'm with Aina, I will forget for awhile while I'm with her or spending time with her, but the lonely feeling never left. I have everything I could ask for, money, job security, a fun beautiful wife, family, a landed house, a car, a bike, yet I felt so empty.     Never have I realized that emptiness feeling comes from not fulfilling my spirituality jar. I stopped praying completely 2018 onwards. "Merajuk dengan Allah" apparently, what a mistake because I failed to realized that the spiritual jar, once it's empty, life feels so heavy. Everything seems hopeless and everything seems wrong and unfair. How to not feel empty and hopeless when I don't fall back to Allah, everthing is on my shoulder, slowly by slowly makes me feel heavier.     All the burden, the guilt, the mistakes, the shor...