Forgive Me For I Have Sinned

     I'll spice up this post a little bit. I'll start with Islamic view on the topic of forgiveness before I share my own personal opinion and experience. Forgiveness is a path to Allah's mercy. The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Be merciful to others and you will be shown mercy. Forgive others and Allah will forgive you.”
(Musnad Ahmad)

    So if someone holds onto deep grudges, anger, and refuses to forgive, it may block them from experiencing Allah’s full mercy which will lead to a hardened heart and I will write further on the consequences below.

    The Qur’an warns about people whose hearts become hardened. One thing that we tend to overlook is that if we are blocked from receiving Allah's mercy, we will also stop receiving guidance (Hidayah) and that will ultimately lead to a hardened heart, which is way harder to return back to the right path. A hard heart resists humility, repentance, and softness toward others, all of which are crucial for a good ending (husn al-khatimah).

“Then your hearts became hardened after that, so they were like stones or even harder…” 
(Qur’an 2:74) 

    Someone who refuses to forgive might struggle to make sincere Taubat, be consumed by bitterness or pride, have difficulty letting go of worldly attachments. This include attachment to the idea that we own our partner, therefore making it very hard to let go of their mistakes.

    Spiritually mature people often live and die in peace because their hearts are free from hatred, focused on Allah rather than to focus on getting back and are open to mercy and love, more emphatic. The Prophet ﷺ once mentioned a man as “a man of Paradise”, and when the companions asked what he did, it turned out he would forgive everyone before going to sleep. 

“I do not sleep with rancor or hatred against anyone.”
(Ahmad, al-Tabarani — hasan chain)

    This attitude prepares the soul for a peaceful return to Allah. Islam encourages leaving judgment to Allah and finding peace in your heart.

    Now I'll write a little about why this topic is important to me. For many years of marriage with Aina, I have told myself that I have forgiven her, but deep inside only now I realized that I haven't Redha and properly let go her past. In essence I didn't forgive her completely. Never have I realized how much she wants me to believe that she have changed. It's not that I'm in constant effort to remind her of her past but I did it unintentionally whenever I'm caught in a corner during argument. Embarrassing I know, at that time I felt like it's an entitlement for me to win over her because I felt like I deserve to always be right being her "savior".
    
    Now looking back through all my self reflection, deeply wanting to redeem myself, wanting to be seen from a different light, I now know the weightage of being forgiven and forgiving. I used to be someone very forgiving, Aina still saw that before this but I still have a little wall built around me from my experience with Leen. I am now back to the Mahathir I used to be pre 2018. I want to forgive and be forgiven, I don't want to hardened my heart and wanted to live a peaceful life. Recently me and Aina are trying to patch things up and I'm practicing what I preached, forgive Aina immediately whenever anything escalated so I don't keep count. I just want to be happy and live a peaceful life, soon eventually Aina will pick this up, lead by example they said. Now when I'm on the receiving end of wanting the be seen in a different light that I realized how much Aina wanted that for her last time.

    The Qur'an and Hadith emphasize the importance of forgiving others. Forgiving others is seen as a path to earning Allah’s forgiveness. If a person refuses to forgive while seeking forgiveness from Allah, this could be seen as hypocrisy or a spiritual barrier.

“Let them pardon and overlook. Would you not love for Allah to forgive you? Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.”
(Qur’an 24:22)

    Our objective is to live a life that prepare us for the afterlife. Failing to forgive others can also relate to not settling disputes or wrongs. If you have wronged someone and they haven’t forgiven you (or vice versa), it may be held against you in the afterlife. On the Day of Judgment, people will settle debts of justice, and unforgiven harm (verbal, emotional, material) might cost you your good deeds.
    
    So live a life that is worth remembering of your good deeds. Forgive others as you wanted to be forgiven and you will live a life that is full of Barakah and peaceful. Let Allah takes the wheel and let go of the past where it belongs knowing people do change and can repent.

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