Two Is Better Than One..

     If you grow up in the late 2000, surely I manage to make you started to sing or at least humming to the song by Boys Like Girls, Two Is Better Than One. So why this topic right after the duality you asked?. Because it ties up to the starting of the blog. Myself wanting to save people, and my guilt towards Leen at that time. Forsaken her for Aina when two and two, both have past that they regret. Feeling guilty because if I can forgive 1, why not the other?. A cause of problem to me in the long run and I will explain it in a bit.

    I grow up knowing polygamy is allowed but never have it ever crossed my mind that one day I will be in a position that I got myself in, having a lovely wife and on my way of remarrying my ex-wife. Some of my friends is with it and some is against it. It all started from the fact that, Leen is always around me and Aina, helping us around and hanging at our house almost daily. This is due to my son is taking their school van from our house. After work when Leen reached home to fetch the boys, sometime she will hang around first before leaving. Over time and after many discussion with Aina, she agreed that it's best if I remarry Leen. I was under the impression that she really agrees to it but now I after everything I realized that she tolerated to this idea due to me being insistent (I unintentionally did it without realizing it due to the guilt I believe). She suggested the idea to her parent in and they agreed too. That's how I landed myself in this sticky situation.

    Truth to be told, I don't even want it, I just felt guilty of leaving Leen and being with Aina, happy with her. Over the long period of all the application, in and out of court to get it done legally, I'm always in a constant limbo of wanting and not wanting to remarry her. Wanting it so I can finally feel it's fair for both and I can make sure both Aina and Leen have a good life, not wanting it because I already am happy with Aina, I felt at my happiest and I find myself truly myself when I'm with her. I don't need to be so uptight, I can just let the inner child in me free when I'm with her, we laugh and had fun together, a lot. With Leen I normally talk about work, lifeand its hurdle, and responsibilities, adult stuff I would say. I can do that with Aina plus more and being with Aina, I'm much more spontaneous, we're constantly on a new adventure, so there's the dilemma.

    At that point of time, I though I can handle both of them and I can be fair, something that both Aina and Leen have always remind me that they think I'm incapable of. I know I can't because I clearly know my heart is with Aina but my overconfident gets the better part of me, hence I still proceeded. Fast forward to early this year when Aina left, I did a lot of thinking and realized despite allowed to marry more than one, Allah created everything in pair for a reason. If you love your partner deeply, it is impossible for you to be fair. After all it is stated in the Quran that even though allowed, if we can't be just, best to only have one. Also to add that the surah indicate that polygamy is for the welfare of orphan rather than a green light for our nafsu or ego.


Surah An-Nisa 4:3
"And if you fear that you will not deal justly with the orphans, then marry those that please you of [other] women—two, or three, or four. But if you fear that you will not be just, then [marry only] one or those your right hand possesses. That is more suitable that you may not incline [to injustice]."


Talking from my experience, two is not better than one when it comes to wife, one and only is better than two because I can bet you being a normal human being that is ever imperfect, no one escapes from being unjustly from time to time, even elders, even religious people. So if no one can be just, why bother hurting any woman's heart by making them share their own husband?

One is better than two...

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