Full Yet So Empty

     My whole life I'm surrounded by people. Lonely at times bu I still have people around me. This feeling never left and gets worst after 2018. Even during all the time I'm with Aina, I will forget for awhile while I'm with her or spending time with her, but the lonely feeling never left. I have everything I could ask for, money, job security, a fun beautiful wife, family, a landed house, a car, a bike, yet I felt so empty.

    Never have I realized that emptiness feeling comes from not fulfilling my spirituality jar. I stopped praying completely 2018 onwards. "Merajuk dengan Allah" apparently, what a mistake because I failed to realized that the spiritual jar, once it's empty, life feels so heavy. Everything seems hopeless and everything seems wrong and unfair. How to not feel empty and hopeless when I don't fall back to Allah, everthing is on my shoulder, slowly by slowly makes me feel heavier.

    All the burden, the guilt, the mistakes, the shortcomings, is on my shoulder, all is my own doings. I'll give some example on how the spirituality jar emptiness or fullness affect our life directly.

Didn't get the promotion?
Spiritual jar empty : I didn't work hard enough / I didn't shine enough / etc.
Spiritual jar full : Not my time yet / he/she deserves it more / My rizqi might be from other sources (new job with better prospect/healthy or smart children/health/good relationship with friend/happy marraige/etc)

I'm encountering a lot of issue?
Spiritual jar empty : The universe is not in my favor / people around me hated me / I'm never enough.
Spiritual jar full : Allah's iss planning something up for me / This is just a test that will pass / A better day is ahead or even if this is lifetime, Heaven awaits / etc

Marriage not according to your plan?
Spiritual jar empty : She's ungrateful / There's must be someone else / I'm unlucky in love / She must not be the one / etc.
Spiritual jar full : All is according to Allah's plan / I might have done something that doesn't prioritize Allah / I must have not done my responsibility right / Allah set me up for her as my mate for a reason / etc

    As you can see the foundation of full spiritual jar is that we submit and surrender to Allah and we don't put it on ourself, we also don't blame others for their mistakes because we know they have their own test too and all of it happens because Allah wanted it that way so indirectly the weightage goes to Allah and who are we to question Allah's decision and planning right?. Further uplifting the burden from our shoulder, be it own mistakes, misfortune or others mistakes. Correlating it with Redha.

    So do you obligations, pray all the required 5 times but do it with your heart yearning to reconnect to Allah, ask, talk and cry to Allah like we did to our parent when we were little because in reality that is what Allah wanted from us. Even our parent can't give us the peace Allah gave us, their duty to raise us up is an Amanah from Allah to them, as we reached the capability to think and act on our own, we're suppose to return back to Allah for guidance and help. Trust me on this, Allah do listen to us, He just answer differently to each of us.

    Do all the pillars of Islam if you're a muslim. Do anything more if you can, return you gratitude back to Allah through other method, donate, pray the optional prayer if you can, help the unfortunate, the smallest acts count. All of this fulfill your spiritual jar and if full, you will noticed that everything and anything thrown to you as a test will become easier to handle and digest.

    I am doing my responsibility now thoroughly, also reading a lot of islamic material that makes me understand more on marriage and what is expected from me as a muslim and also as a husband, father, son. I'm much more content and grateful of life, have a tonne more patience. How else do you think you're going to overflow you jar towards your loved ones if yours is empty?



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