From Dust To Dust

     You might be surprised to think that getting closer to Allah will make you scared of death, In my case it's not because I want to live a longer life but rather I feel like I don't think I have enough time to recover all the damage and sins I've done. I think I finally understand why living this life is mainly to serve Allah, sound tedious but when you understand what is considered Ibadah, majority of a normal obiding muslim life is already Ibadah, you walk to the mosque, counted, you eat, counted, even most things in marriage is counted. Maybe that why being married is considered half of your Deen.

    Having 2 of my closest family member passed away before me is devastating, in fact both have cause a major setback in my career life, not to say I regret anything but rather highlighting the huge impact it have on me. My dad and my sister is 2 different person with similar kind heart that will go beyond their ownself for others and when I lose them, I lose apart of me. I want to remind the reader including Aina, that death of your loved ones is a life changing experience and you can't be prepared for it. I tried and I failed miserably.

    I feel bad for Aina and everyone around me because at the time when I lost both of my sister and father within a year plus minus, I went into a spiral where I lost all my drive to live and excel in life. A bad combination of empty spiritual jug and don't have deeper understanding of Redha. It took me a long time before I can even digest it mostly, not even fully. I still miss them, I still of them from time to time.

    Few days back my brother have a heart attack, few month back eldest brother have a heart attack. Reminder after reminder that life is so fragile and can be taken away at any time. My perception on how short and fragile is, deepen with each passing and each new near death experience by my family member. I can't help but to constantly think of my death and when it will be, whether I will be surrounded by my family or all alone. Will I have enough time to redeem myself?

    Ego means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Life's too fragile and short to be lingering in the past. Live your life but live an honest life that is blessed by Allah and prepare yourself for the afterlife. From dust we're created to dust we will become.

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