The Snowball Effect

     Among all the things my late dad teaches about life, he always remind me to never ever lie. Because although in the beginning it looks harmless, it will eventually snowballed into a bigger snowball.

    I lived by this rule my whole life but being with Aina and going through the turbulence, living a life with blurry line on morality and to add the fact that I love Aina so much and couldn't afford to lose her, I started to..lie. Started with small lie to not hurt her feeling which then I need to lie even more whenever she wants to find comfort or validation on the previous topic.

    Time goes by, lies becomes reality. Soon it feels like the truth, it becomes easier especially when she give me benefit of a doubt that I won't lie as I am very honest with majority things. This is not who I am but I'm in the snowball now and I'm rolling and tumbling down the hill now, snowball gets bigger but I have no clue how to stop because bigger lies have to be told to cover up the last lie.

    Guess what happens when you lied too much?. You can't keep track of it. I have to stressed that most of my lies revolve around things that might hurt Aina and my infedility with Leen. I regret it now but at that point of time, it just felt like it's the best thing to do as I don't even know how to tell Aina the truth anymore in the fear it might make her angry and leave.

    Funnily, with time and too much lie, I felt entitled, felt uncomfortable if Aina is suspicious as if the lie is the truth that deserve defending. I'm delusional, full on believing my own lies. I will be work around the lie if got caught. I can see how stupid it is now. Seriously to the reader beside Aina, don't, just don't start, you will eventually start to believe the lies as the truth and trust me it's not a happy life to be living a life where you are constantly fearing your lie will blows up.

    I have come clean recently, everything but it took me of losing everything to only be able to be brave enough to clears things up. When I have nothing to lose. Once you reached the level I got myself into, it's very hard to get out of the situation even when you wanted to stop. 

1. Surah Al-Hajj (22:30)

"So avoid the impurity of idols and avoid false statement."
This verse commands believers to stay away from lying and false testimony.

2. Surah Al-Baqarah (2:42)

"And do not mix the truth with falsehood or conceal the truth while you know [it]."
This highlights the sin of knowingly twisting or hiding the truth.

3. Surah An-Nur (24:7)

"...the fifth [testimony] will be that the curse of Allah be upon him if he is lying."
In the context of legal testimony, this verse emphasizes the seriousness of lying.


    Allah forbid us from lying for a reason, we break the trust of people, especially our loved ones. I regretted it but at least now I can live an honest life and oooooohhh boy let me tell you how peaceful a life of an honest man. It's worth every single trouble I got myself for telling the truth. So, live an honest life and never lie, ever, not even the one you think is harmless. No, don't, just don't, it's not worth it.

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