Redha : The Art Of Acceptance

      One of the major recurring issue throughout my marriage with Aina is trust. Not particularly pertaining to not trusting her action but rather little to no trust that she might not hurt me the same way again. I used to blame it on my MDD, feeling like there is no way to overlook the past. A major hurdle in our relationship as Aina have her own past to process on her own, what sticks us together because we understand our partner better is also our own kryptonite for each other.

  I was diagnosed with Major Depression Disorder (MDD) as a direct result from the heartbreak that I went through from 2018. I was suppose to be on medication but I stop taking it due to the side effect I'm going through of mood swing that is so wild that I can start crying in the midst of a laughter, I slept alot, suicidal thought becomes more rampant.

    So how do I manage my depression you ask?. I started to learn the hint my brain and body will gives out before I get any episode. Each time an episode about to break out, I will have this feeling of dreaded and no drive on doing things but right before that, mild anxiety attack where my brain will go into overclocked mood where I have thousands of thought zooming in and out thinking about all the things that have occurred or haven't. Heartbeat will go as fast as if I'm sprinting and I will normally predict an episode is about to start with guilt tripping my ownself, beating up my ownself and rethinking about all the things that I have no control of. 

    I myself can' tell you how to remedy this as sometime I can just get it sorted by simply entertaining myself with funny videos online, or perhaps making Aina laugh (most of the times this is what got me covered) with my jokes. So yeah, Aina indeed help in controlling and managing my episode. Sometime I will feel it but if the previous mentioned ways won't work, I will approach Aina to inform her an episode is about to start, she will try to ask me question, probing me on recent events, "do you think it's because of XXX or perhaps XXX? oh wait, we watch XXX yesterday, maybe it's that", more often than I realize she will nail it on what causes the episode. We will talk it out and wallaa!! issue resolved.

    You know when it will be a problem for me? When she's not around nor anything I do can soothe me. All this time I will carry around those dreaded feeling hoping it wont change to beating up myself or worst suicidal thoughts. I couldn't find the solution, for many years until Aina left the house. I have noone but my ownself to learn how to handle the depression. Self reflecting a lot, prayed, ask for Allah to bring me peace and finally He answered my prayers. I started to rewind back to the starting of my relationship with Aina, self reflect on all that have happened, why it happened the way it did and what could have been done better. I did it like a broken record, over and over and over, for many days, many sleepless nights until finally after weeks, if I'm not wrong a month or so, it clicked,

"I can't change the past, but I can live the present and plan for the future".

    There is no point lingering in the past and I realize it have been there all this while. We are thought the concept of Redha all of our life but do we really understand it?. It involves :

  • Contentment and Acceptance:
    Redha is not simply passively accepting things; it's a state of inner peace that comes from recognizing God's plan and trusting in His wisdom, even when faced with adversity.
  • Submission to God's Will:
    A key aspect of faith is submitting to God's will, which is a fundamental part of redha. It means acknowledging that God's knowledge is superior to our own and that He has a purpose for everything.
  • Finding Peace in Adversity:
    By accepting God's decisions, even in times of hardship, a person can find inner peace, knowing that every trial has a purpose and often leads to personal or spiritual growth.
  • Gratitude and Humility:
    Redha fosters gratitude as believers recognize that both blessings and challenges come from God. It also promotes humility, as we acknowledge that we are not in control and that everything happens for a reason.

    To read this your whole life but to not understand the basic is quite sad. I felt pity on my ownself for taking so long to reach this state of mind because have I learnt it deeply before, many sleepless nights arguing with Aina on her past, my "merajuk dengan Allah" phase and many more can be avoided.Such a waste of time and energy while our life is so fragile and short.

    Surely when things happen we will think we accpet it right?. Wrong!!. most of us don't understand to fully immerse ourself and Redha, we will need to do 1 thing which sounds easy but very hard to do,

Submit to Allah. 

    Sounds easy right?. Try letting go of the past knowing you can't do anything to it because it's all part of Allah's plan on His greater plan for you. Most people will wail and cry over the past asking why it happened to me / I don't deserve this / why not its like this or like that? surely will cultivate the victim mentality. 

If a person did you wrong?
They are mere imperfect human.

Situation didn't go according to your plan?
Allah is preparing you for something better or avoiding you from something harmful.

    Many more examples but to summarize you are where you are because of what have happened. Me meeting Aina is purely because 2018 mishap, if it didn't happen, I won't meet Aina. Similar to Aina, everything that happens to her before makes her choose me. So isn't it beautiful?. Rather than being sorrow and feeling depressed being stuck in the past on what have happened. Might as well surrender and submit to Allah for His greater plan. Just be happy of where He have lead you.

    With this in mind, I finally are able to let go of Aina past. There's a period of time after mother's day this year that we were happier than ever. I realized those topics that brings me pain before is no longer affecting me and I want you all to live as carefree as I do. So trust me on this, surrender and submit, let the past remains there, In the past. REDHA


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