Marrriage As A 3 Way Relationship

     My idea of saving everyone have been causing me a lot of heartache, initially from having people that I saved or helped being ungrateful, forgetting that I have helped them before. While it's normal to process it that way, I recently learnt that is the reason of many heartache happening in my life before. It's an entitlement without we realized it. An expectation that we have on others and their action after we helped them.

    Even the "merajuk dengan Allah" phase fundamentally derived from this entitlement. that when we do good, Allah should have rewarded us with goodness. What is life without the ups and downs?. Can someone live without any hardship from Allah?. To believe life is but a test is delusional for lack of better words. Allah have promised us that this life is temporary and short to be lived as a continuous test on how we stand up against it while we still serve Allah. The promis of an afterlife that matters, do good now and be rewarded later. Heaven as the ultimate destination as life on its own is just the journey and not the destination. Not to be confused that Allah don't reward you on earth, I personally saw many blessing or prayers come true recently after I taubat (repented).

    Then waht about our expectation on the people we helped?.Are they obliged to return back the favor?, do they bave to live by certain standard me place on them?. They don't, you helped them because you wanted to, you have the option to not help them. Aina need saving before, do I have to do anything about it? I'm not responsible of her future, no one forced me to save her by handing out my hand to not let her drown further. Those days I felt as if I did something great, indeed it is noble but it's not me who lend a hand, it's Allah through me, Allah moved me to feel that during my dark time, she needs the saving more than I do for myself, I rather be her protector than I myself heal for my ownself. The change of perspective from a saviour myself to Allah is the saviour and is just using me as the messenger, opens up my eyes. Aina can be thankful to me for saving her but I'm not entitled for anything when she went through any hiccups or when she fail to live up to my standard. I felt relieved to feel or expect anything from her.  

    Talking about standard. Pfft.. what a clown I am, when I was so delusional of not living up to my own standard. I am now but funnily, when I am now, I'm humble enough to remind myself that I'm not entitled for anything anymore as I felt really small when I submit to Allah.

    You must asked what's the relation of what wrote above with the tile. The thing is when you don't submit to Allah, the help you rendered felt like your doing, not that it is because Allah allows it, not because Allah moves your heart to act upon it and automatically you felt entitled to them helping you or doing things your way. When you submit yourself to Allah, 2 thing will happen and pay attention to this as I don't understand this before. I don't see the logic before but now I do.

1. You become close to Allah because that is your calling as the servant no matter what. Surrender to Allah to guide your marriage. Follow the teaching and leave the rest to Allah.

2.  When your partner goes closer to Allah too, the gap between both of you will narrow down and both of you wii become closer.


    I saw this way back then but I never understand it and couldn't fathom the idea of it. How can getting closer with Allah makes me be much more in love with my spouse?. I didn't even give a second thought those days and just throw it away as 1 of those religion mumbo jumbo. But here's the thing, when you don't surrender and submit to Allah, but rather thinks that how deep your spouse love are towards you is purely from your own action, you are trying to superseded Allah's power. You are overriding His grade and decision making. Ego got us thinking that our partner is ours because of our own effort when it is all His planning all along.

    Billions of people in the world, hundred of other staff within same company, but yet me and Aina fall for each other?. Same character, same heart, same history, same phase, instant connection, what are the probability? and yet I think that I'm in action rather than Allah wants us to be united?Allah moves us because He said He create us among ourself. We grow up thinking the partner suppose to be an opposite to ourself, opposite attracts, when Allah clearly say otherwise.
   

    Allah chose them for you for a reason, be thankful to Allah, submit and allow it to breath naturally. If you're married or planning to get married, do it for Allah without any expectation and you will feel at peace and love will flow as a bonus. Do it, feel it, and then you will be thankful for it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Becoming The MONSTER I Hated

      I lay this down so I can own my wrong doing. I'm slowly becoming a better man, servant of God, husband, lover, father, brother and son. I'm humble enough to expose myself to the world so I can serve as a living life lesson everyone out there planning to "merajuk dengan Allah" and take the easy way out because growing internally and spiritually is not easy. To my wife Aina, I love you so much and I want you to know that all this changes I made, is beneficial for me and in return will overflow to you and Lily. I'm becoming the man you deserve.      The reason why I titled the previous post as the wasted 2nd chance is because I could have just stopped whatever nonsense that we have been doing and focussed on marriage life. I think hard on why that is not the case and I think I can at least tell from my end. I love Aina deeply and I was under the assumption that she loves me because she can be herself and explore all this dark side while I protect her. At...
Read more

The Downfall Before The Pheonix Rise.

      To start off I will need to give a little context on my past, I used to be married to my ex wife Leen from 2007 up till 2020. She's my first love and I highlighted this as this will be a cause of a lot of my headache which I will elaborate in a while.     The marriage was OK, as expected, responsibility and what not. We welcomed 3 boys, the amount of children she wanted because she was raised in a single child family and very vocal of not wanting to only have 1 child because she say it's a lonely upbringing. We got married quite early, I was 20 and she was 21 when we got married. I was under the impression we have enough time to have children at a later age but she insist after a year or so to have at least 1 baby 1st. We welcome our 1st born in 2009.     We have our 1st place in a rundown walk up apartment, 3rd floor. It was small but we're happy. That was until 2015 where I started to realized that I didn't accomplished anything much outside of...
Read more

Breaking The Cycle

      I grew up as the youngest in a family of five siblings. The one closest to me in age was already seven years older, so for most of my childhood, I learned to be alone. While others were busy with their own lives, I played in quiet corners, creating my own worlds. I don’t remember being comforted when I cried, or celebrated when I succeeded. I only remember trying, trying to be noticed, trying to be liked.      Over time, I became the “funny one,” the people pleaser. Not because I naturally was, but because I had to be. Earning attention became survival . Laughter became my language to feel seen. I wore smiles like armor, and read every room like it was a battlefield hence the reaosn why I picked up Aina's mood in a glimpse of second of seeing her or meeting her.      And speaking of battlefields, my late dad, Abaji, may Allah bless his soul, was an ex-army. His love was strict. His presence, while firm, was often felt more as pre...
Read more